Censorship, Female Comics and Lederhosen

Ok, blogging.  Must remind myself to write freely the first time around because there are censors all around you.  The worst censor of course, is your own damn self.  You censor yourself to protect yourself.  If you write a blog that is written and sent out from your heart chances are you need to look at it and do some fucking rewriting afterwords or people are going to use some some of it against you and laugh at you and shit.  But, for the most part I find digressions and spelling mistakes kinda sexy because then you know what you're reading is real.  It's kind like when someone farts.  you don't like it and it's a little fucking disrespectful, but it lets you know they're human.  


Which brings me to the topic of censorship.  I hosted this open mic in a really snazzy hotel and the manager wanted me to keep it clean.  Keep a Sunday night Open mic located in the heart of Toronto, clean?  Well, I kinda tried.  And by tried I mean I tried to get just the right amount drunk off martinis so that I could get through an hour and a half of amateur comedians new material.  For the most part it was awesome.  I actually always liked it except when I was pregnant and tired and not able to drink as much.  But I could never really bring myself to say to a comedian, even ones that I knew had a foul act, 'could you not do that bit about the prostitute eating out the corpse?  It's not me, it's the management.'  I figured I just hadda let people be people.  Except for the one time when I went pregzilla on a dude for doing racist, sexist material and ripped the mike form his hand.  I feel kinda guilty for that but I'm sure I'll get over it....Now, that was that scenario.  I get that there are times and places for certain acts and if you're getting paid and you're employer wants you to dial the nasty down a notch, it's up to you to decide if you want to take the job.


Oh fuck, I've had a hell of a time reading some blogging lately about the topic of females not being funny.  Fuck everyone.  The notion that this topic even gets tongues wagging pisses me off.  The joke is that whoever even says crap like 'girl comics aren't funny must know that what they're saying is bullshit.   There are so many RIDICULOUSLY funny woman in comedy http://www.youtube.com/user/JennaMarbles/featured that if I hear of people saying stuff like that, I know right away that they're lying.  How do I know they are lying?  Because, to say such a bold statement you must know a thing or two about comedy.  And if you know a thing or two about comedy than you can't ignore that women are funny.  I just think that not a lot of women have the guts it takes to put themselves out there.  You have to have the iron clad confidence of someone who knows that they're funny.  And going back to the previous point; a lot of woman censor themselves to protect themselves and a lot of them censor themselves into obscurity.  That's why I believe it's really important to be good to each other as comics.  It's the toughest job in the world and a lot of people aren't making any money doing it. but if their heart is in it then that's a beautiful thing.  I've seen so many comics who started out shit go on to be the funniest people the world will ever see.  If they manage to catch the worlds attention.  which is probably a tough thing to do because the world is a fucking busy place.


I'm reading Tina Fey's book, 'Bossypants' and in the first chapter it she mentions that sleeping with talent does not make you talented. I agree with that but it's also true that talented people that sleep with people less talented than they are aren't necessarily doing anyone a favour.  She is a pretty snappy writer though.  According to me anyway.  

Speaking of committed relationships.  I am in two now.  One with my partner and one with my son.  My son, of course requires a little more work.  But I really feel like I got this.  I'm ready to hang up my new balance runners and put on some Crocs slippers because I've had all my wild stages (in my mind).  Now all the amazing stuff I get to do, I get to do with family.  But my only advice to new couples is, just make sure that each of you has had their.  Foreign Tryst stage.  I don't care who you are but you need to have an FTS and not look back.  It's good for tourism and having sex with men of all races is a great way to fight racism.  Wikipedia it, cause shit's true. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lederhosen

These delicious gentlemen are wearing Lederhosen.  Notice how one is sexy without trying?

Thanks for reading this weird shit.  See you soon.  I will leave you with this really cheesy fantasy script from my fake memoirs.

Cheerio

INT. COMEDY CLUB -DAY

COMeDian GIRL

I'm not that kind of girl.  

HOT GUY

No, of course you're not.

COMEdian GIRL

Well not usually.  

HOT  GUY

We could go back to my place.  I've got some party favours...

COMediaN GIRL

I'm definitely not THAT kind of girl!

HOT GUY

I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to insult you.  

COMediAn GIRL

...what kind of party favours Russell?...